No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
