There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
