My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
