you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
