what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
