sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
