Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
