It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
