She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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