i just sent this text using only my big toe
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
