if you like me you must not know who I am
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
