man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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