I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
