I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
