Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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