If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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