the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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