the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
