i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize