The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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