He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize