She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
