I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
