i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
