I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
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plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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