he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
