He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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