ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
