Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
