Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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