i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
