I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
