why didn't you poke me back
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
