im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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