i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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