You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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