im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
