well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
