sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
