Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
then he tried to convert me to islam
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
