I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
