I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
