I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
