so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
