bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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