obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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