If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize