my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
