I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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