you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
