i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
