She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
