Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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