the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
