I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
