the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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