i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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