He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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