I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
