I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
