Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize