So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
