I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
