NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
