i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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