I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
