Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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