Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
