I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
