I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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