i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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