My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
