Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
